When I started this blog, I changed my on line name to Sunshiner. I previously was known as Nightcrawler, a name far more appropriate for my personality. But I was determined to change, to be more positive, more sunny. Hah! I can't seem to stop the cyniscism and sarcasm. Even if I don't come right out and say things, I think my feelings leak out between the words. I find it depressing that I can't seem to be more positive. Maybe I am just in a rut. I spent Saturday morning at the ER, and went home early Sunday from work. I had to hold my coumadin until further notice. It is never in range, never freakin never. I hate the thought of having to go back on lovonox. It's such a painful, brutal, harsh medicine. Coumadin is just a pill. If you're out of range too high, you can bleed to death internally from something as simple as a needle stick. If it's too low, you have no protection at all. I've been on it for 8 months and been in range 2 diff weeks. A diff dose almost every week. I see the hematologist in 2 weeks; I don't know what is going to happen but I feel like I am losing any right to argue the lovonox thing. I was watching the DC marathon yesterday and caught the clip of Capt Phil injecting himself and admitting how much the shots hurt. It made me feel a bit better as he is so tough. I wanted to tell him to try an icebag on the injection site as soon as he injects. I found it helped a lot, numbed some of the immediate pain and reduced the size of the cystlike nodules that appear. It didn't do anything for thr bruising. Nothing like a belly that is black and blue and purple all over and filled with little round lumps. I should get a tee shirt Lovonox for Life. I don't think I could do it, take it forever, for life. I hope I don't have to.

Christmas spirit

I have decided that Christmas spirit and money are directly related. I had no Christmas spirit at all until I found an extra 250.00 in my checking acct. Last week I thought I was underpaid, but the hours looked right so I forgot about it. Well, I guess I was wrong. I was able to get my medicine, pay 2 bills, buy some groceries, and get gifts for my husband and the dog. Yesterday on Christmas it was 80 degrees and we barbqued steak. I forgot to go to the lab Wednesday for blood work, so I must go today. I'm undecided whether I will go to the gym today or tomorrow, but I'm leaning to the latter. I still haven't found my camera. Where the hell could it be? I hate to have to get another. I had it a couple of months ago when John was here. I have to look g=harder. It's here somewhere.

It's 62 and foggy, very foggy. The pea soup kind. I leave for work in an hr and have to work a full 7 1/2 hr shift today and tomorrow. I don't suppose there's any chance of it being slow and i could go home early, but I will sign up for it anyway. I find working a reglar shift very tough on my ankles; they swell, big time and since I work the same shift tomorrow, there's no time for recovery. Hopefully there will belots of people working overtime and they will pluck my name off to go home early list! I watched Les Stroud last night in Papua New Guinea. It was one of the very few times where he really looked beaten down, both physically and mentally. I found that surprising only because I have followed shows like The adventures of Mark and Ollie and other tribal shows( I'm not sure which ones were in new Guinea, but I know I saw some.) I think it's just the whole jungle thing, he got fungus on his feet, diarrhea and was very hungry. Nothing like seeing wild pigs race thru your camp when you can't even catch a rat to eat. But I like Les, I like his show and he's very easy on the eyes.

bored and broke

I like days off but they're not much fun when you're broke. I've read my Lee Child book, been to the gym, took the dog to the dog park and napped. I made one trip to the Post office for more stamps, got gas, (1.59 a gallon) and bought some vitamin water. I did my Christmas cards. At least Suvivorman is on tonight and I can look forward to that. I will also try and make it up to the pool and spa. It was nice today, but not in the 80's like yesterday. Probably the high 70's.

writing

I have decided not to write any more of the story. It would have been rated adult for language and situations but no slash. Still, it just makes me uncomfortable. Even with my own characters, I'd be basing them on real people and I feel like I would be trespassing on peoples privacy. It makes me too uncomfortable, I can't do it. I have friends who write RPS ( I believe that is real people stories) slash. I could maybe do a PG but slash? No, no, no, never and I love slash. Well done slash are some of the best love stories you will ever read, but it is homerotic and some people have a problem with that. I found if you have fictional characters, it can actually make them more appealing. Example, The A Team. You're writing about two established characters and just taking it a step further, instead of trying to introduce a new female character. I once wrote a story where Hannibal and BA had a thing going on. A friend of mine was begging for Hannibal/BA slah and another said it couldn't be done. I wrote it because of the challenge in the pairing. In it, BA dominated, Hannibal was submissive, because he found it enticing to NOT be in control, to not have to think about consequences, to just do. It wasn't s/m or master/slave, it was just BA giving orders and Hannibal obeying. I think I had BA make hime wear some pink silky underwear and then demand to see it while he was driving. One thing led to another and BA crashed the van. The whole story took place in the waiting room at the ER. It may sound far fetched but it worked. I read a really great slash story from Babylon 5 that had Sheriden and Garibaldi in an S/m role. I was always a huge Garibaldi fan and no way could I see such a relationship, especially since this was graphic with discipline. But she made it work by finding it wasn't that Garibaldi wanted discipline, it was that he was suicidal. The story was the size of a long full length novel, must have been about 400 pages. Good slash is wonderful reading, bad slash is awful. I'm not into any fandoms at the moment. I got tired of the cliques and petty politics, and one site that actually encouraged awful writing. My favorite slash was always Murdock/Face and Garibaldi/Sinclair. I did some slash from Shanghai Noon as well. Starsky and Hutch has some good slash too and Man from Uncle. The word slash comes from Star Trek that pretty much created fan fiction when the show was cancelled and people still needed a fix. Kirk/Spock began /slash. And it's still out there today being written as we post.

I am off today, tomorrow and Friday but have to work the weekend. Yesterday I had chest pain for the first time in weeks. I had to take 2 nitros. Blah. But I made it thru my shift so I didnt lose any time. Today I had a very busy day. I met with my trainer at 9am. It was a good session. I like the leg press but I hate step ups. Then I went to the library, reported my card lost and picked up the new Lee Child book I had on hold. Then I went to the lab and had blood drawn. Next, on to the card store to buy cards for my hubby's sisters and a good friend. Then the post office, not my favorite place this time of year. Then home to pick up my hubby and go grocery shopping. Then I took my dog Trixie to the dog park and she had a wondeful time. Her very best friend is a Pomeranian puppy about 5mos old. They play together like two kids. If one picks up a stick and starts to gnaw on it , the other is gnawing on the other end, trying to tug it away and they're both racing around. Watching them play is very restful and makes me happy. Unfortunately for Trix, Charles got little Puff as a Christmas present for his grandaughter. He has housebroken and trained her and now he is taking her to St Louis on Saturday. They will miss each other. Tomorrow I must write Christmas cards. Now, I think I will nap.

I had cream of buckwheat for breakfast. I found it in a health food store amd omg is it good. If you like hot cereal, try it. It has a gritty texture and a sweet nutty taste, mmmm. Steelers won last night, Yay! It's warm again, double yay. Heard from my son, he was all calmed down thinks he will start recving unemployment cks in 2 weeks and disability cks in 3 wks. I think maybe the unemployment, but if he was approved today(and he hasnt been) no matter who the congressman is that's helping, it will be months before he sees a check. Call me cynical, but that's what I believe. He did ask for money, and if I had extra, I would probably have sent him some. But I don't, and the little I could send really won't help so he should just deal with it. Still haven't found my camera, drat. Bob, the old man won on Survivor. Gray Power, yay! Although I must confess, part of me admired Sugar's game and blunt honesty. Randy was a creep, and I bet he was all over her in the most unnicest of ways. He was an arrogant jerk who set himself up to be humiliated . I don't feel sorry for him.

Ok, did the gym thing but couldn't figure out how to know what my routine is. I remembered some of it, some I faked and the rest I reverted back to what I had been doing. I managed 2.5 mph on the treadmill. No chest pain, Yay! And I did a full 20 minute session of hills and valleys on the recumbant bike. And a bunch of different weight lifting thingies. One really nice thing is there are a lot of people there my age or thereabouts. That makes me feel a lot more comfortable. It wasn't filled with 20 - somethings that are size two and sweating to be size zero. I found out the camera I brought is my old broken one. I can't find my good one! Shit! I can find the case, but it's empty. I am at a loss where to look. If it's not in my desk or car, I am clueless. It has to be here, it's just a question of where.

It's 49 degrees and freezing, brrr. I am off to the gym and have my trusty kodak eazy share camera with me. I am not sure about a photo of me, as I appear to have some new wrinkles under my eyes. I hate wrinkles and how devilishly sneaky and sly they are. One day your face looks great and the next day these lines are there that came overnight, out of the blue, no warning and they don't friggin go away. We won't discuss the color of my hair except to say my husband has been bitching there's too much white. Please bear in mind he is scheduled for cataract surgery next month and I think he should be labeled legally blind. Certainly color blind at the very least. I have some grey hair, ok, a lot of grey hair, but I do not have white hair. Let's hope the gym isn't crowded with young people.

Tales From Dutch Harbor

Tales From Dutch Harbor
by Sunshiner

Original fiction inspired by the TV show Deadliest Catch.
Rated n17
Warnings: Adult language, Adult situations if you're offended by profanity and /or smut, probably best to stop here and read someone else's stories.



The Captain glanced down from the wheelhouse watching his crew as they cavorted down the dock, headed toward The Last Chance. He picked up the intercom and yelled out, " And Reilly - don’t forget to get a fucking haircut!" The youngest crewman had almost been injured when his long brown hair had broken free from his pony tail and whipped across his face. Temporarily blinded in the gale winds, he paused to clear his face of hair and just missed getting hit by a breakaway winch. The captain watched the older crew members pepper the younger Reilly with harmless jabs and was glad the young man hadn’t been injured. He watched his crew scampering away, the wind swallowing their for letter bantering and smiled, as sure of the salty language as he was of their names. A part of him longed to be a part of that camaraderie, but the sensible part, the captain part, knew it was impossible. Now was a time for separation. A time for the crew to be away from him even if only for a few hours. They worked hard and played harder. They needed to recover from the brutal weather and endless hours of work. He had pushed them hard the last trip out, but mother nature had pushed harder. Had there been even one day when it wasn’t blowing 40 knots with temperatures below 20? Lesser men would have quit. Lesser men would have collapsed or started a rebellion, but his crew, like most crab crews, had just got tougher. The vile conditions forced them to bond together in a way nothing else could. They had cursed him long and loud and cursed the crab too. In the end, the results had been worth it. They were now a happy crew with a pretty penny in their pocket off to raise hell.
The captain wearily ran a hand thru his wavy grey hair, time to get back to work. He read another catch report and signed his name, clearly but boldly at the bottom, Capt. J.P. Sullivan. Three hours later, with a short stack of paperwork finally finished, payroll entered and work orders ok’ed, the captain headed for his quarters for a shower, a fresh change of clothes and then a good hot meal, one not prepared on his boat.
As the crew from the Irish Mist headed towards the Last Chance, they were greeted by Yvette and Gwen, two long time hookers who worked the docks in Dutch Harbor. Reilly took one long hungry look at the two women and immediately forgot about going to Last Chance. "Ladies," he drawled, would you do a duet?" The rest of the crew howled, but the ladies just grinned knowingly and each put an arm around Reilly while one whipped out a cell and called for a nearby taxi.
Willy Whiskers, the eldest crewman on the Irish Mist, watched with a glum look as he pulled on his thick grey whiskers and said, "Captain ain’t gonna be happy about that. We’re supposed to look after him."
Gino Falcone, a crewman for 3 years on the Irish Mist, slapped Willy on the back and laughed, "Don’t worry about Reilly, Whiskers, if’s he’s old enough to go crabbing, he’s old enough to get Gwen’s crabs." The rest of the crew howled in agreement and started a game of what else was Reilly old enough for. Whiskers joined in and added "I guess if’s he’s old enough to get paid, he’s old enough to get laid."
"Don’t worry, Willie, it was just Yvette and Gwen, they’ll keep him safe."
Willy Whiskers nodded, then added, "I just hope he’s back before the Captain shows up."
The grin quickly left Gino’s face, as he had considered that, "Roger that, Willy, Roger that."

long sigh, it's been that kind of day.

Nothing accomplished, well, did manage to start the story and named the captain but still have a lot of background stuff to decide, like vessel names and crew names and really, should at least try to do an outline. I prefer to write spontaneously, not from an outline, but an outline helps you stay focused in one direction and not be all over the place. When I do an outline, I always seem to get taken someplace else by the characters anyway. The best part is not knowing the ending. You have worked yourself up to the climax but have no idea what its going to be and then - voila- out of nowhere come some remarkable ideas and an ending, the words just spit out of you like a machine gun. It is so cool. Did some grocery shopping but it's a regular work day so I'm off to work at 3pm. Tomorrow is going to be a busy day. I must go to the gym and hopefully I shall have a few pages of story to post. I will try for pictures too.

I am irritated

no, hell, I'm pissed! I hate insurance companies. I hate them. I hate hospitals too. The hospital billed be appx 80k for an 11 day stay in April. I have 3 major insurances at that time. Cigna, Blue Cross and GHI. With all that insurance I just got a bill for 3700. Recently Blue cross denied a claim saying I had medicare. I don't - too young (I don't get to say that very often) Now that's been cleared up and they deny it because it isn't something they cover. GHI is pulling shit too. I send the paperwork they want showing current insurance status and they send a letter like it was never recvd, but I have confirmation they have it and that they have chged my status; they're just not paying any claims. My classic insurance tale is when I had Aetna, and went to the lab, a participating lab, mind you and recvd a bill for $800. I called them and said, like, uh, wtf? They asked me if I went the same day my dr wrote the script and I said no. Well, there you go, they replied , that is why. If you don't go the same day, we don't cover you. Which is clearly impossible as most blood tests require fasting and are Never done the same day requested. I had to get a mgr to fix that. But this aggravation, this unnecessary aggravation, it just makes you dread ever having to have to call them.

The name of my bar is The Last Chance saloon. Owned and operated by a retired madame . Staffed mostly with women, mostly ex hookers. Maintains policy of no guns no drugs and enforces it. Everything else goes, or comes as the case may be. Male bouncers at the door, one behind the bar. It's got the peeled log cabin look. Rustic and simple. Live bands every Saturday night, it's not just a bar, its the place to be, the place to make deals, as anyone could be there and the best business deals always go down better with a few drinks. Large outdoor deck. It's not classy like the Grand, there's brawls all the time, but it's not deadly either. Dangerous enough to be alluring but not a fatal attraction. No guns, no drugs. And it makes money - big time. I've got to get names and let the characters steep a while and then I think I can write a little something.

no pix today, it's raining like hell outside with a tornado warning till noon. A cold fronts coming thru as well as a line of storms off the gulf. The temp as already dropped to 64 and its headed for 41 by tomorrow night. Brrrr. I went to the doctor, what a waste. I saw the PA because, I don't know why, I'm a jerk I guess. I could have seen the Dr. but I said it didn't matter. I forgot Fitz always writes me note saying no co pay for ptinr, she doesn't. She tried to tell me if I took a daily multi vitamin my blood levels would magically surge to the levels they're supposed to be. She increased my coumadin to 7.5 which will surely be too high in a week, way too high. I tried to point this out, but she wasn't listening. She did nothing but irritate me. I'll take the 7.5, but they're all wrong! I think it should be maybe every other day, 5mg and then 7.5 but i didn't go to medical school and since my blood specialist wanted 7.5 I'm not going to argue. This time. I've been thinking of a new story set in Dutch. I am not into RPS although Deadliest Catch is very tempting. Still, it's just as easy, easier really, to create your own characters and base them on someone else. Almost all characters are blends of real people or traits that you have known. My bar names won't be a waste then as I can set the bar as the central backdrop for the story. Then we can be as smutty as we like w/out offending. Now then, I must decide what the bars name is and who owns it and who runs it and who frequents it. This could be very amusing.

Bar names for Dutch harbor

A small drinking town with a big fishing problem must need another bar. I have been amusing myself thinking of names for a new bar. My favorite is Baiters ( as in master) then we have Capt Hookers, The Honey Hole, Sin City, Shot City, Shooters, The Cod Belly, Hells Bells, Naked City,The Bare Den, BJ's and Crabby Phils. As you can see, smutty thoughts are never far away.

I was checking my email, something I'm not very diligent about and what do I discover? My trainer's appt. is this morning at 9am. In a way I am glad, there wasn't any time to be really scared, though I was very nervous. Well, it wasn't too bad. He did make me sweat, but just a little. I didn't have to stop and say I can't do that, which was one of my biggest fears. He was kind and soft spoken and not like a drill instructor.
I have never belonged to a gym before and never, ever even thought of having a trainer. I signed up for some extra hours so at least I know I can pay this month, lol. It's 10:15 and 72 degrees on it's way up to the low 80's. The sun is shining, of course. I picked a few oranges and made some fresh juice this morning, it was sweet and delicious. Either today or tomorrow I will try and take some pictures. The hematologist called and wants my coumadin increased. To the level my family doctor just decreased it from because that made me dangerously high. Sigh. They make me crazy. I'm not sure which is worse, to be low and at risk for clots or too high and at risk for internal hemorrhaging. Fooey on them both. If I get another clot, I will be on lovonox for life. All my doctors are agreed on that. They would all prefer I be on it again now and stay on it for life. I so do not want that.
I was going to toss the draw full of lovonox syringes I have, but they cost so much, over $4000.00 for a 30 day supply, I just couldn't do it.

I was a good girl today, got my bloodwork done and got gas, 1.65 a gallon at Chevron - yay! The lab tech was the guy I'm not fond of. He always seems to have to stab me twice so I leave with bandages on both arms. Also, when he takes it, I inevitably bruise. Grrr. The weather was lovely, 82 when I left for work at 2:30 and 71 when I came home at 7pm. Cold enough for a light jacket, but I could manage if I had to. I signed up for some extra hours this week, 4 hrs each on my three days off. I think I can manage that with my new medication. It sure would help financially. Thursday morning I have my first meeting with my personal trainer. Shit, I am scared. I guess I just have to wait and see. I just want a healthier heart. If I have to exercise to get it, that's ok, but I am not anxious to be sweating. There is so much I can't do, I hope he will understand. It's not like I'm 20 again. My knees are arthritic and I get gout all the time. My ankles seem to be forever swollen. Laugh, go ahead- gout! But let me tell you, it hurts like a son of a bitch. I mostly get it from poor hydration. I don't seem to drink enough water. Getting old is a bitch! I've kept the phone off the hook since that night my son called. I suppose I should check my voice mail. It's depressing, but I guess I have to do it. Nothing but my son whining and begging and threatening or bill collectors. If it's too depressing, I'll just have to have some wonderful smutty thoughts about Capt. Phil. He could take my mind off anything. I know, I'm married, but I can still have smutty thoughts :)

Weather warming up

Yesterday was really cold, down into the 50's. I've been in Florida 7 years and I now find anything below 80 uncomfortable, definitely sweather weather. Below 70 requires a jacket, when it hits the fifties it's time to bring out the coat. On occasion it drops even lower, and when it dips into the 30's and 40's that's when I start looking for a parka, gloves and warm knit ski caps. The great thing is it only cools down when a cold front comes thru and they're all stretched out like a rubber band to get here so they just bounce back up north after only a few hours or days at the most. I forgot to get gas today so that is a must do for tomorrow, I can hit the station by my lab when I go for my weekly blood work. I want to get a CM shirt but I think it must wait till January or even Feb. Hopefully by then I will be able to increase my hours. I caught the last 4 minutes of the Steeler game yesterday. OMG, it was GREAT! I hate Dallas, so coming from behind was wonderful but whipping their particular ass was even better. It just made this victory oh so sweet.

Monday morning

I shouldn't be tired, hell, I just had an iron transfusion, yet I came home from work exhausted. Then I completely forgot to take my meds, both morning and evening, but that shouldn't make me tired. True, I did work 7 1/2 hrs which is kind of a lot for me lately, but still... I slept from 9:30 pm thru 7:00 am in the recliner with my dog. Trixie must have been tired too because neither one of us even got up to pee. No news from my son and no news from him is good news. I need to remember to get gas today. I wonder what the price will be. The last time I checked it was$1.68 a gallon. I like that! I sure did enjoy Dutch Harbor Dirt's invitation to brunch. His photos are so inviting not to mention mouthwatering. Reluctantly, I must pass. My husband just woke up and is grilling me on why I slept so long. Let me go and sooth the savage beast.

Welcome!

Welcome to my blog. I am 58 and live in Clearwater, Fl. Unlike some people, who shall remain nameless, I love Florida. Not all of Florida, just the area where I live. I hate Miami, I hate Orlando, hell I'm not even fond of Naples. I don't find it particularly humid and after living up north (NY) all my life, I find the extraordinary amount of sunshine mind boggling. It makes a difference, it really does. I work in a call center and recently reduced my hours to part time for health reasons. I am prone to blood clots and spent a year on a really nasty medication called lovonox that you have to inject. (same as Capt Phil from Deadliest Catch) Like a smart ass, I quit taking it on my own and , naturally, developed more blood clots. Fortunately, I did avoid the pulmonary embolism I had the first go round with clots. Now I am on warfarin. I am married for 33 years and have one problem child son who just turned 28 and could definitely be a poster child for Planned Parenthood. Said problem child just called me 3x from a homeless shelter in Philly wanting $150. and threatening suicide if I don't come through. Five years ago, that would have worked, but now I just say no and hang up. He says he needs it because he met someone at the shelter he owes 150.00 to and they have left to get a gun. He may have met someone he owes money to, but if that were the truth, he needs to learn not to borrow what you can't hope to repay. It may also be a bald faced lie and he's looking for drug money. I have the phone off the hook, it's 2:20 am and I should probable try and get back to sleep.