When I started this blog, I changed my on line name to Sunshiner. I previously was known as Nightcrawler, a name far more appropriate for my personality. But I was determined to change, to be more positive, more sunny. Hah! I can't seem to stop the cyniscism and sarcasm. Even if I don't come right out and say things, I think my feelings leak out between the words. I find it depressing that I can't seem to be more positive. Maybe I am just in a rut. I spent Saturday morning at the ER, and went home early Sunday from work. I had to hold my coumadin until further notice. It is never in range, never freakin never. I hate the thought of having to go back on lovonox. It's such a painful, brutal, harsh medicine. Coumadin is just a pill. If you're out of range too high, you can bleed to death internally from something as simple as a needle stick. If it's too low, you have no protection at all. I've been on it for 8 months and been in range 2 diff weeks. A diff dose almost every week. I see the hematologist in 2 weeks; I don't know what is going to happen but I feel like I am losing any right to argue the lovonox thing. I was watching the DC marathon yesterday and caught the clip of Capt Phil injecting himself and admitting how much the shots hurt. It made me feel a bit better as he is so tough. I wanted to tell him to try an icebag on the injection site as soon as he injects. I found it helped a lot, numbed some of the immediate pain and reduced the size of the cystlike nodules that appear. It didn't do anything for thr bruising. Nothing like a belly that is black and blue and purple all over and filled with little round lumps. I should get a tee shirt Lovonox for Life. I don't think I could do it, take it forever, for life. I hope I don't have to.

Christmas spirit

I have decided that Christmas spirit and money are directly related. I had no Christmas spirit at all until I found an extra 250.00 in my checking acct. Last week I thought I was underpaid, but the hours looked right so I forgot about it. Well, I guess I was wrong. I was able to get my medicine, pay 2 bills, buy some groceries, and get gifts for my husband and the dog. Yesterday on Christmas it was 80 degrees and we barbqued steak. I forgot to go to the lab Wednesday for blood work, so I must go today. I'm undecided whether I will go to the gym today or tomorrow, but I'm leaning to the latter. I still haven't found my camera. Where the hell could it be? I hate to have to get another. I had it a couple of months ago when John was here. I have to look g=harder. It's here somewhere.

It's 62 and foggy, very foggy. The pea soup kind. I leave for work in an hr and have to work a full 7 1/2 hr shift today and tomorrow. I don't suppose there's any chance of it being slow and i could go home early, but I will sign up for it anyway. I find working a reglar shift very tough on my ankles; they swell, big time and since I work the same shift tomorrow, there's no time for recovery. Hopefully there will belots of people working overtime and they will pluck my name off to go home early list! I watched Les Stroud last night in Papua New Guinea. It was one of the very few times where he really looked beaten down, both physically and mentally. I found that surprising only because I have followed shows like The adventures of Mark and Ollie and other tribal shows( I'm not sure which ones were in new Guinea, but I know I saw some.) I think it's just the whole jungle thing, he got fungus on his feet, diarrhea and was very hungry. Nothing like seeing wild pigs race thru your camp when you can't even catch a rat to eat. But I like Les, I like his show and he's very easy on the eyes.

bored and broke

I like days off but they're not much fun when you're broke. I've read my Lee Child book, been to the gym, took the dog to the dog park and napped. I made one trip to the Post office for more stamps, got gas, (1.59 a gallon) and bought some vitamin water. I did my Christmas cards. At least Suvivorman is on tonight and I can look forward to that. I will also try and make it up to the pool and spa. It was nice today, but not in the 80's like yesterday. Probably the high 70's.

writing

I have decided not to write any more of the story. It would have been rated adult for language and situations but no slash. Still, it just makes me uncomfortable. Even with my own characters, I'd be basing them on real people and I feel like I would be trespassing on peoples privacy. It makes me too uncomfortable, I can't do it. I have friends who write RPS ( I believe that is real people stories) slash. I could maybe do a PG but slash? No, no, no, never and I love slash. Well done slash are some of the best love stories you will ever read, but it is homerotic and some people have a problem with that. I found if you have fictional characters, it can actually make them more appealing. Example, The A Team. You're writing about two established characters and just taking it a step further, instead of trying to introduce a new female character. I once wrote a story where Hannibal and BA had a thing going on. A friend of mine was begging for Hannibal/BA slah and another said it couldn't be done. I wrote it because of the challenge in the pairing. In it, BA dominated, Hannibal was submissive, because he found it enticing to NOT be in control, to not have to think about consequences, to just do. It wasn't s/m or master/slave, it was just BA giving orders and Hannibal obeying. I think I had BA make hime wear some pink silky underwear and then demand to see it while he was driving. One thing led to another and BA crashed the van. The whole story took place in the waiting room at the ER. It may sound far fetched but it worked. I read a really great slash story from Babylon 5 that had Sheriden and Garibaldi in an S/m role. I was always a huge Garibaldi fan and no way could I see such a relationship, especially since this was graphic with discipline. But she made it work by finding it wasn't that Garibaldi wanted discipline, it was that he was suicidal. The story was the size of a long full length novel, must have been about 400 pages. Good slash is wonderful reading, bad slash is awful. I'm not into any fandoms at the moment. I got tired of the cliques and petty politics, and one site that actually encouraged awful writing. My favorite slash was always Murdock/Face and Garibaldi/Sinclair. I did some slash from Shanghai Noon as well. Starsky and Hutch has some good slash too and Man from Uncle. The word slash comes from Star Trek that pretty much created fan fiction when the show was cancelled and people still needed a fix. Kirk/Spock began /slash. And it's still out there today being written as we post.

I am off today, tomorrow and Friday but have to work the weekend. Yesterday I had chest pain for the first time in weeks. I had to take 2 nitros. Blah. But I made it thru my shift so I didnt lose any time. Today I had a very busy day. I met with my trainer at 9am. It was a good session. I like the leg press but I hate step ups. Then I went to the library, reported my card lost and picked up the new Lee Child book I had on hold. Then I went to the lab and had blood drawn. Next, on to the card store to buy cards for my hubby's sisters and a good friend. Then the post office, not my favorite place this time of year. Then home to pick up my hubby and go grocery shopping. Then I took my dog Trixie to the dog park and she had a wondeful time. Her very best friend is a Pomeranian puppy about 5mos old. They play together like two kids. If one picks up a stick and starts to gnaw on it , the other is gnawing on the other end, trying to tug it away and they're both racing around. Watching them play is very restful and makes me happy. Unfortunately for Trix, Charles got little Puff as a Christmas present for his grandaughter. He has housebroken and trained her and now he is taking her to St Louis on Saturday. They will miss each other. Tomorrow I must write Christmas cards. Now, I think I will nap.

I had cream of buckwheat for breakfast. I found it in a health food store amd omg is it good. If you like hot cereal, try it. It has a gritty texture and a sweet nutty taste, mmmm. Steelers won last night, Yay! It's warm again, double yay. Heard from my son, he was all calmed down thinks he will start recving unemployment cks in 2 weeks and disability cks in 3 wks. I think maybe the unemployment, but if he was approved today(and he hasnt been) no matter who the congressman is that's helping, it will be months before he sees a check. Call me cynical, but that's what I believe. He did ask for money, and if I had extra, I would probably have sent him some. But I don't, and the little I could send really won't help so he should just deal with it. Still haven't found my camera, drat. Bob, the old man won on Survivor. Gray Power, yay! Although I must confess, part of me admired Sugar's game and blunt honesty. Randy was a creep, and I bet he was all over her in the most unnicest of ways. He was an arrogant jerk who set himself up to be humiliated . I don't feel sorry for him.